In my early thirties, on an uneventful night, sitting on the couch with my wife, I put two fingers on my pulse and looked over at her. “I think I’m having a panic attack,” I said. My wife laughed because she thought I was joking. I wasn’t showing any signs of having a panic attack; my face looked cool, calm, and collected. The same place I learned how to check my pulse was where I learned not to react, or more accurately, not to show my reactions outwardly.
A couple of months later, while climbing up Glacier Peak, I slipped. I was able to steer myself into some bushes and avoid a 1000 ft slide into the awaiting trees. My buddy and I laughed it off. He told me my face was unmoved throughout the ordeal, cool, calm, and collected, and suddenly it hit me why I had a panic attack. My wife and I were talking about starting a family. I realized that being cool, calm, and collected was great for 1 percent of life. But if I wanted to raise kids, I had to leave the mindset of a soldier at the door.
I had tried all types of therapy and had a solid background in therapeutics myself from my days working as a mentor in a therapeutic program, but no matter what I tried, nothing seemed to work until… I came across Brainspotting, and within 6 sessions, I felt a real shift.